life changes / changing life

i am here again. a place i know so well; a place all too familiar. what was i thinking when i graduated college in 2009, journalism diploma in one hand, credit card in the other ready to purchase that european plane ticket? that i after that trip i'd land a real job.

pfffffttttt. my current self is laughing in the face of my former self right now.

real job. real job. real job.

where did these two words come from? i can't even remember. how did this idea come about and grow in my mind and why was i so focused on it?

my father never had a "real job." my mother did. she still does. she works as a restaurant manager.

shall i become like my father? a man of many suits, many dreams, many jobs? but then i think, i could also become my mother. it seems safer, easier, more secure.

as i've expressed many times on this blog before, it wasn't until february 2011 that i found said "real job." before that and after europe, it was unpaid internships, freelance writing, catering, and hostessing that provided me with money. two jobs at once, one freelance job at at time, working the weekends. i was miserable and i wanted something steady and lucrative. i wanted to stop falling behind my peers, which is how i felt at the time. since february, i've felt very steady and lucrative at this job, and at this company. i've only been here for 10 months, and 8 of those months on salary. i moved out a week after i was given a salary. i started paying back my loans a week after i was given a salary. i started living my life a week after i was given a salary.

and now, my job is changing again. a job and a position i thought i'd be at well over a year before some sort of drastic change. my immediate boss left, we re-wired my job and our responsibilites to accomadate that. now, again, it seems i have a new job on the horizon. a horizon that appears to be inching closer and closer with every passing breath.

  

• will i ever feel job security? one second i felt secure, and poof! like that. it's gone. (and does this even exist anymore?)
• should we ever even let ourselves get so comfortable at a job that the moment it changes, we panic? should we always be living at the edge of our seat, expecting the bottom to drop out? should we be constantly preparing for that?
• in this day and age (of heavy global economic crisis), do people usually work two jobs on average just to cover the bills? i've started freelancing on the side myself so i don't feel so strapped living paycheck to paycheck.
• and above all else, should we ever settle?

i think i know the answer the last question on this list. but i'm curious -- what do you think?

image is an acurate illustration of how i feel, has been rotated, and was found here.