on settling, for now

this morning, i sat and pondered [over a cup of my new favorite tea - om by tazo] what to write for today's and this entire week's posts.  since i started blogging again in july, i've been all about planning.  planning every post, always keeping the idea of a theme in play, doing a link list at the end of the week, etc.  but, what should happen if i diverge from "the plan"?  where will i be, and - what will i write?

my morning routine is pretty much always the same : i get up, i get dressed, i  make lunch, i walk to metro, i metro to work, i make tea, i make breakfast, i sit down, i breathe deeply, and i open up my blog reader.  ah, my favorite part!  there is nothing better than going through a list of newly updated and all-around inspiring blogs every morning.  it's like reading the newspaper.  it opens my mind and helps me awaken the senses.  i always feel rejuvenated and refreshed when i'm done reading a few blogs.

this morning, i realized that the theme of a few of my favorite blogs is one that i am very familiar with, and have a deep appreciation for : travel. 

olivia [a stranger to me] has been traveling and living in europe over the second half of the summer and into the fall.  as if she didn't take enough gorgeous photos before her travels in charleston, sc and franklin, tn, her photos and videos from europe are out of this world inspiring.  claire [one of my BFFs] just moved to london and will soon be traveling through europe, too.  reading these travel posts are the most exciting to me.  more exciting than all the fashion, food and photography.

while i live a great life [honestly - it's quite amazing, sometimes i stop and think : how did i get here?  how did i get so lucky?], i get tied up with the notion of "settling."  have i settled because i moved in with my boyfriend [at the age of 23, now 24]?  have i settled because after graduation i landed a great job in my hometown?  have i settled because i will probably be at this job for more than two years?  have i settled because in my five-year plan, i still see myself in DC [my hometown]? 

then all of those wild and anxiety-ridden questions creep in:

when will i travel again [like i did in college and after college when i back-packed through parts of europe]?  when will i pick up everything and move to another city?  when will i quit my job and follow my dreams [when will i re-evaluate my dream from the wannabe engagements / wedding photographer in san francisco dream]?  when will i figure out and find my true calling?  [is this it?]

then some of those REALLY crazy questions pop up:

when will i get engaged?  when will i get married?  will i ever become friends again with those i've fallen out of touch with and had a falling out with?  will i ever live in another country?  will i go to grad school?

i can't believe i asked the engagement and married questions before the others - but that's how they came into my mind.  and the thing is, i am so anti - thinking about marriage and babies at this point [hello, 24!  youngin'!] but i feel as if that's the dream of everyone around me.  finding a great boyfriend and getting married.  i have a great boyfriend and we live together and it's been one of the best / most rewarding steps i've taken in my life.  but that doesn't mean we're getting married tomorrow.  i still crave adventure, and that includes adventure with my boyfriend.  i still chase those dreams that seem so far away and intangible and ludacris - like living elsewhere or in another country [this also includes my boyfriend because he dreams the same as me - perhaps this is why we're such a good match].  i just [still] have so many things i want to do!

i feel like we're all still so young.  and the truth is - so much has happened in my life over the course of three years [it really felt like one thing after another].  this is the first time since 2009 where i am comfortable, confident and relaxed in my life.  [so why am i getting so anxious and worrying about settling? maybe it is good for me, for now!] 

the possibilities really are endless for us - if we so chose to participate.  it's much easier settling than it is actually taking a risk, changing it up and heading out on an adventure.


::: photos from sicily 2009 :::